Validating hurt feelings in a relationship
After placing myself in this situation more times than I’d like to count, I developed a little three-question guide that’s helped me recognize when enough is enough. When he opened his door to greet me on Valentine’s Day wearing pajamas—at at night—and then threw my card and chocolate rose in his bedroom, it was obvious that I was deluding myself.
This is a somewhat extreme example, but there were little signs in the months leading up to this—unreturned calls, broken dates, many conversations where he wasn’t really listening.
That didn’t mean he intended to hurt me, or that he was a bad guy.It just meant that he wasn’t available or interested in being there for me in the way I knew I needed.Or more bluntly put: for whatever reason, he did not care. If you often find yourself in a position where you need to defend the other person, odds are there’s a consistently unacceptable behavior you’re trying to justify.I didn’t want to be a wife who hurts her husband so I tried to defend what I said in a round about way to justify why I said what I said, but truth be told, I wasn’t making any sense…and I was further hurting my husband by not acknowledging how he was feeling.I could have encouraged my husband to stay positive during his time of defeat, but what I needed to do was validate his feelings.
Search for validating hurt feelings in a relationship:
– Acknowledge: Sincerely inquire about how he feels without interrupting.