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Artsy salt-and-pepper shakers locked in an embrace.
Stryker, the coeditor of , says that couples who may be intrigued try starting slow.
“When we opened up the marriage and began meeting other people, we realized the best thing for both of us was to let each other go,” says Turner, who remarried five years ago. Land and wrote the book actively dates other men and women but considers the relationship between herself and her second husband to be her “primary.” For her, that means the two live together, split household expenses and chores, and create the terms of what polyamory means to them.“For us, there’s a huge difference between fidelity (being sexually exclusive to just one person) and loyalty (supporting and being honest to another person).
And I think people outside the polyamorous community may not understand that the two aren’t necessarily the same thing,” says Turner.
To maintain their emotional bond, Turner and her husband developed a system: The pair subscribed to a monthly wine club where they got four bottles of wine delivered to their door; they promised that, no matter what, they would drink the wine together by the end of every month.
“Those are our emotional check-in times, when we talk about what’s working, what isn’t, and what we need from each other,” explains Turner.