Dating is a search problem solve it with
All relationship problems stem from poor communication, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families."You can't communicate while you're checking your Black Berry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section," she says.I’ve heard it said a million times before: “I’m really picky.” The subject, of course, is pickiness in dating, and countless men and women tell themselves they can’t find a mate because they’re just too picky.But before we go further, we need to pump the breaks: There is healthy picky and unhealthy picky.Nevertheless, the possibility that the relationship could be a good and comforting one makes it worth the risk.For people who are unhealthily picky, on the other hand, the possibility of a long-term relationship does the opposite of soothing them: It actually stresses them out! If you are someone who is extremely picky, it means that you (unconsciously) work hard to find faults with prospective partners as a means of self-protection.Briefly, I’ll define both so there’s no confusion, and you can use the information to make sure you’re on the right romantic path.Healthy Picky: You’re careful about who you get involved with, taking things slowly in the beginning, not moving into the bedroom too quickly, and remaining on guard for a couple months or so until you have a sense of who this new person really is.
"Sex," she says, "brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy." Problem-solving strategies: Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged.
It makes sense, too, in a twisted kind of way: If you find enough faults to decide so-and-so is not the right match for you, eventually you can put off everyone and will never have to actually face the stress of a long-term relationship. Because you’ll always manage to push all the prospective partners away!
The Good News: I’m happy to reassure you that extremely picky daters can change if they want to do so.
The first step is to admit the problem, and it’s not that you’re “picky.” The real problem is that you’re afraid.
How to Solve the Picky Problem: No one believes in the power to change to more than a psychotherapist, and I watch people change every day in my office.
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If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you'll have a much better chance of getting past them.