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It’s clear that these kind of conversational chat interactions are already making a huge impact on what we’re coming to expect from our products, and as someone who gets practical and recreational enjoyment from good service, I’m pretty happy about it.

I think with continued focus on thoughtful script-writing and empathy in their design, bots might turn out to be everyone’s fetish.

Rating: 2/5 ballgags Another productivity/office task bot, Ace is pretty upfront about the fact that it can only do expense reports, to-do lists, and polls.

The random combinations of what these companies decide is some helpful enough smattering of tasks to justify building and releasing an app is starting to baffle me, but what do I know.

So despite my misgivings, I decided to move on to setting up a poll: I dead-ended in this several times before giving up on my poll.

As with Howdy I became quickly flustered that I had to work so hard to do what in reality could have been accomplished in less time with a pen and a post-it.

I would also love to see users have more choice in how they wish to interact with a bot, like onboarding questions that can help a user reset the bot’s tone from one that is a little on the sassier side to one that is more submissive and deferential or vice versa.

Rating: 3/5 ballgags People in my office text Poncho The Weather Cat all the time so I decided to try talking to it on Facebook Messenger. Pros: fairly conversational, personality-driven response copy, and of course does very well at the thing it’s built to do.

I decided to check out how Growbot responded to my dommely commands: That’s better I guess. Cons: doesn’t do a heck of a lot, is pretty much just a keyword-triggered random output of mediocre copy. Rating: 2/5 ballgags Another task-oriented bot, Howdy posits itself as a kind of office assistant that can be “trained,” which sounds appealing to me even if this kind of training involves fewer riding crops than I’m used to.

I then tried the “kudos” function which is supposed to save up when people are given praise to a leaderboard, but couldn’t get a response. I asked Howdy what it can do, then experimented a bit with setting up checkins and meetings.

So I decided to see whether the “listening” for props is context-sensitive or just goes off a solitary keyword to try and figure out why it wasn’t working. I quickly ran afoul of issues with the keywords that the bot itself suggested not being effective at communicating my desires or giving me enough information to know what to do with it: Using most bots requires a bit of repetition and back and forth as the user acclimates to the expected commands, but I was thoroughly displeased that I had to work this hard to get through a fairly limited list of functionalities.

The actual verbal copy is as deferential as I’ve come to expect from my preferred kind of service bot, but it seems even Howdy had his hard limits: No worries Howdy team, I’m sure Ben Brown is a fine enough gentleman but I’m a bit more of a discerning dominatrix.

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